Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Missing my son today

Today is my son's 28th birthday. He has not spoken to me or anyone in the family for over a year now. I am feeling so sad inside. I just want my family to be okay and for my son to heal and get better mentally. He has struggled with bipolar all of his life and his father and I have done so much to try to help him. Sometimes it's just not enough. I know he is going through a really tough time right now and has a huge responsibility to deal with coming up. I just wish I could tell him how much I love him and how much I care. After finding out that my friend passed away the other day I am feeling very heavy hearted. I don't want to go without talking to my child anymore. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and I want to make things right but I don't know how. I have no way of contacting him except by email. He's changed his phone number and is moving.

I have tried very hard to move forward and to do tough love. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't think it is what God would want me to do. I want my son to know that I am still here for him and I am not ever going to give up on him. He's done a lot of hurtful things to me and other family members but I know he is sick and he needs help to make some changes. I just miss him and wish that I could turn my feelings off. This will be the first birthday of his that I have not spoken with him. It feels so horrible. How do I get over this?

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