Sunday, June 15, 2014
Father's Day is bittersweet
This is a somewhat hard day for me. My biological sperm donor is a pathetic loser and doesn't deserve the title of father. My step-dad, whom I loved dearly, passed away in 2010 and left a void in my heart. I have been told that God is my Father but I have a difficult time calling anyone Father. I used to desperately want a perfect Dad in my life. The first Dad I had was an abusive, disgusting pedophile. He hurt me so much and has no remorse about it whatsoever. My 2nd Dad and I weren't close at all until I was about 15 or 16 years old. Then I realized he was a good man and actually loved me, even though I wasn't his natural born daughter. I spent he last 6 weeks of his life with him taking care of him as he was dying from pancreatic cancer. I cherish those last 6 weeks so much. I took a lot for granted in the past. I thought I had a Father's love forever without ever thinking it might come to an abrupt end. I used to dwell on the fact that my first Dad didn't love me and I craved a healthy relationship with him so much. Then my step-Dad came along and I finally got it. I enjoyed a 20+ year relationship with him and then he was gone. Such sadness came into my life when that happened. I had just lost my Mom 2 years prior to his passing. Before that within a 4 year period I lost my Grandmother, my favorite Aunt and my Poppy. So much lost in such a short period of time. I didn't expect to be in my early 40's and lose every person who was important to me. I thank God I have my husband to support and love me. I appreciate him so much and I think he is a wonderful Dad to our children. I hope they can understand how important he is and how short life is and appreciate what they have with him. I would do anything to have my Step-Dad back. I wish I had spent more time and made my more phone calls with him. We only get one shot at this life and it goes by way too fast to distance ourselves from people.