Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Recognizing that I'm being triggered

My therapist and I figured out what is causing my anger. The lady staying with us is so much like our mother in so many ways. She is triggering us pretty bad and we didn't even realize it. My therapist feels that my friend is a "professional victim" and that I've been trying to help her change and it isn't going to happen. She is 55 years old and filled with "ya, buts." Every time I try to suggest things to help her she has an excuse or a "ya but" response. My therapist says I should lay down some conditions of her staying with us. One of them being she should start therapy. When I suggested that to her before she was like, "Ya but no one takes Medicaid." She really prefers to stay in victim mode and doesn't really want to get better. I find myself getting angry for her complaining about her aches and pains or her ignorance of the world. She has cut herself off from life and the world and doesn't know anything about what is going on around her. It's very sad but it makes me angry to see someone act so helpless and clueless about life. Look, I had a very traumatic life too. I get it but I want to live and be healthy. I refuse to stay beaten down and I think she is resentful of my life. I worked very hard to be where I am today. It doesn't magically happen for anyone. You have to be willing to work on yourself. My Mother was a pity partyer and was passive-aggressive and dependent on everyone around her. My friend reminds me of that and I hate it. I know I can't fix her but she needs to at least try if she is going to live in my house. She won't drive more than 10 miles because it huts her to drive a clutch....then why in the world would she purchase a car with a clutch. She goes nowhere...ever. I have to persuade her to come with me when I go out. She complains she looks frumpy but does nothing to try to change it. She thinks it's terrible I go to stores to buy my clothes and not use thrift stores instead. I did that for most of my life and now I don't have to and it's liberating for me. She can still buy nice clothes at Goodwill and wear inexpensive make-up. It's her choice.
My husband is on his way home and he and I are going to go into the country and I am going to throw hard boiled eggs at a tree. All my insiders will get an egg to throw and everyone is very nervous. We were never allowed to show our emotions growing up and anger is super scary for us. We don't want to feel embarrassed or out of control. My husband is a safe person but I still feel timid about letting myself explode and cry and stuff. I have never dealt with anger well but I need to start learning. Unlike my friend, I am choosing to move forward and deal with things and live life.

4 comments:

  1. Did you ever do the egg thing? I've done that before, I got cheap glasses and eggs and through them at a wall. It is a good stress reliever, for me eggs weren't satisfying enough though because they don't make that "shatter" sound. LOVE U!

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  2. I ended up not doing it. :( I have some kind of fear of doing anything that will make super angry. I need to figure something out soon!

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  3. paint and a big piece of paper on the wall might help..oh and a squishy ball...juts throw and splash paint and do whatever you want..as long as it stays on the paper you know. just an idea that has worked for us

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  4. Thanks! Great idea and might make great art in the end :)

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