Tuesday, October 15, 2013

My suicide attempt due to bullying

A conversation I read on Facebook made me recall a time in my life that was most troubling and I felt so alone. My boyfriend of 2 years had broken up with me and his new girlfriend was vicious to me. Calling me constantly with threats of kicking of my ass, name calling, destroying my property left at his home, having her friends call me with threats and it goes on. Friends of my ex kept telling him lies about me to her and saying things I never said about her. I don't know why they did it but they did. The bullying got worse and worse and I went to several adults for help, including my own Mom and no one did anything to help me. One night I got a call from her again threatening me and I just knew I couldn't take it anymore. This was in 1984..long before internet. This was a small town and rumors were spread quickly and I had nowhere to hide. Almost worse than having Facebook! I remember calling my ex's sister whom I was very close to (and still am) and told her what had just happened and I did something so unfair. After taking an entire box of allergy tablets I called her and told her not to tell anyone that I was going to die that night. I made her promise! I talked to her about my life, my thoughts and what I wanted her to remember until I could barely speak and keep my eyes open. I don't remember hanging up or going to bed. Then I woke up at 7:00 am with the sun on my face. I was so MAD! How could I be alive?! I took 36 tablets at one time?! Now what? I felt shaky and dizzy and my heart was racing. I had no choice but to get ready for school. I was too scared to tell my Mom what I had done. I looked white as a ghost and felt like wanted to barf. When I got to school the friend I called the night before was waiting by her locker with several people around her crying her eyes out. When I walked up to her she grabbed me and hugged me and we said nothing but just cried.. Her out of relief and me out of frustration and disappointment.
I finally went to a teacher who was so awesome! He helped me so much through this time of my life. Little did people know what was going on with me. No one knew I was an abuse victim and a multiple. No one knew my Mom was potentially dying of kidney failure and needed a transplant. No one knew I was being bullied. No one. I was alone. A few of my close friends knew a little bit of what was happening but not to the extent that it was. When someone is being bullied it's a bad situation. When you compile that bullying on top of a bunch of other horrible factors there is usually no good outcome. So I thank this Teacher for taking his time to listen, protect and guide me until I graduated. I am here today because of this wonderful teacher. He knows who he is and if he should read this, which he might, I want him to know I love him and will always be grateful to him. He was more than just a Teacher and he changed my life for the better.

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