Thursday, September 12, 2013

Drug free??? And Mickey!

Good day with my Pdoc! I was given the okay to stop my Wellbutrin XL completely and have been weaned down to 2 Buspar a day instead of 3. Our goal is to get off all medications or if that isn't possible to get down to the lowest doses possible. It's great that my Doctor is on board with me and willing to help me reach my goal. Ever since I started eating gluten free about 2 months ago my mental state has improved as well as my overall health. I feel different and I know it's getting better each day. The fatigue is still with me quite a bit but it takes time to get iron built up in your system when you have been so low for so long. Also, having DID is exhausting from all the switching and not getting enough sleep at night. We had another alter emerge last week who likes to be called Mickey. He is a 6 year old boy who was left at a rest stop at night as a joke by the father when we were traveling. He was eventually picked back up shortly after being dropped off but to a child it seemed like hours and he was afraid of strangers and the dark. It all makes sense to me now why I was reluctant to stop at rest stops at night when my husband and I would travel with our children when they were little. So many pieces to the puzzle coming together slowly. It angers me how cruel adults were to me. What is so odd is that there were so many mean adults and very few nice ones. Why were we hated so much? It's like I had a big giant V on my forehead that stood for Victimize me. I was the target for a lot of abusers growing up. The important thing now is that I am loved by many and I will never let anyone hurt me like that again. All good comes out of bad and I am glad the way things turned out for me in my life. I would go back and change anything. It all happened for a reason. I am healing and I am getting stronger. Life is good!

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