Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Chalking up another "thanks" to my abusers

I am having a pretty extensive and invasive surgery on October the 4th. I have what is called Rectocele and it needs to be repaired as well as the upper part of my vaginal wall. This is a result from my childhood abuse. I had objects inserted into my rectum repeatedly, was forced to eat feces at one time, punished for pooping my pants so it became an issue for me using the bathroom. I spent most of my life in a state of fear of going to the bathroom and wound up constipated chronically. After a lifetime of straining to go to the bathroom after not going for sometimes 2 weeks at a time and giving birth to 3 pretty big babies my insides are shot. I mainly blame my abusers because I look at this as one more thing that I have to deal with that they put upon me as a innocent child that followed me into adulthood. This surgery is going lay me up for 6 weeks and full recovery will take up to 3 months. My sex life will be over which my hubby and I have discussed and are both very willing to give up for me to be free of pain and discomfort for the rest of my life. Our love is stronger than just physical needs. A lot of my insiders are freaking out about having this surgery done. It is a big trigger to have anything done to us in that area and when pain will be involved it's doubly troublesome. Prayers are needed and support from my friends and family. This is a huge deal to us all. We have to go through this together but I have to be the strongest one being I am the host. The insiders are all looking to me for strength this time around and I can't let them down. Being put under anesthesia for 3 hours is scary but I have to stay brave. If the littles see me freaking out then it's going to make it harder to be sedated. Hopefully I will be able to post soon after my surgery to let you know how it  went. As soon as I am can I will update my blog.

If you're interested in what Rectocele is:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/rectocele/DS00704

4 comments:

  1. so extremely sorry for the abuse and the lifetime horrible results! I will be praying for all of you and your marriage that your husband will stay strong in his love for you despite the lack of physical intimacy. I have similar problems to you and the the physical intimacy has been a problem for at least 3 yrs yet he loves us completely and is supportive of all of us. Hang in there. <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you very much! I'm sorry to hear you have similar issues. I will pray for you, too <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so glad that you are moving forward with this important step in caring for yourself. It's wonderful that you have Bob's support. He's a great example for your sons.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you. It was a difficult decision but I am glad it is going to be done. Bob is wonderful and very supportive for sure! It is a different change to our relationship but we will prevail :)

    ReplyDelete