Thursday, August 8, 2013

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Yesterday at therapy we were discussing why it is so hard for me to get motivated to clean and stick with it. I started to talk and began to get emotional about it and couldn't understand why. I began to disscoiate and a middle sized girl came forward, very upset. She had no name and began to tell our therapist bout how she would clean so much and how Mom would always find fault our not acknowledge what she had done. It was hurtful and painful for her.She kept trying to do better and better and all she got in return was negativity and harsh criticism. After so long of trying she gave up and went away. It all makes sense to me now. Whenever Bob would tell me to do something around the house I would freeze up and get defensive inside. I wouldn't want to do it and usually would make excuses not to.I worried he would judge but didn't know that is what was going on at the time. Looking back I get it. The girl who came out chose the name Lucy because she likes the Beatle's song "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." We have all agreed to help her and work together as a team as she does like to clean but wants help. I am willing to give it a go. Right now Lucy is getting acclimated to the system and finding where she fits in, There is major inner renovation going on inside and shifting happening. Feeling a little off balance and sleepy today. My head feels like furniture is being tossed around inside! So many changes in such a short time.

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