Sunday, August 18, 2013

It's up to me???

"We are not given a good life or bad life. We are given a life. It's up to us to make it good or bad." I read this on my facebook news feed and laughed. I don't agree with the entire statement. I was not given a good life at all. It wasn't up to me to make it good or bad. It was simply bad all the way around. I was helpless against everything and everyone. I didn't understand what good meant. When people attempted to show me good I didn't trust it because most good turned out bad in the end for me, As I became an adult it has taken me over 20 years to trust that good can happen and does happen to me. I do believe the choice of my happiness does depend a lot on me but I suffer the after-effects from my past and it can be hard to grasp. I am up and down with my feelings. I don't like "sunshiney" statements that make it seems so easy to be happy. The person who wrote that quote I'm sure has never experienced true depression or gone through what I have gone through in my life. I feel like slapping the beejeezuz out of Pollyanna people who tell me to "smile...be happy" or "Tomorrow will be a better day." Now how do they freaking know that? Yes, I make strong efforts at making my life good but if it were truly up to me life would never be a struggle. I make my life what is and happy or sad this is my life. I believe my past still controls my present but hopefully that past will fade away more and more. It isn't who I am. I don't live there anymore.

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