Wednesday, June 5, 2013

POLLY POLLY POLLY

Polly came out of the Labyrinth during therapy. It's funny but I remember my Mom telling me when I was little I used to run around the house shaking my arms in the air shouting "Polly Polly Polly," I asked her why I did this and she said she didn't know but it used to get on her nerves. Then she laughed. It turns out it really isn't funny at all. I (Polly) was trying to get attention and was angry and looking for a way to express myself. I was being babysat by one of my uncles pretty regularly and he would bathe me and scrub my private parts so rough with soap it would just burn and hurt. This uncle also got busted by a non-abusive uncle who got angry when he saw what was happening. The sad part is that the good uncle only reprimanded the bad uncle and never did anything else to solve the issue.So, as you can imagine, the abuse continued as usual. The uncle also liked to "wrestle" with me (Polly) while in reality he was dry humping me with his clothes on. Like that made it less dirty! Polly can still feel his erection pushing on her pelvic bone and the weight of his body and his breathing. The most interesting fact that came out Polly's emerging was she found her twin sister, Holly, who aged while in her part of the Labyrinth and Polly did not. So there is an age disparity. She is confused about a lot of things but is relieved to know that the bad uncle is no longer here on this earth. Our Therapist said that Polly is always welcome to wave her arms in the air if she feels the need to but she also reassured Polly that she will now get anyone's attention just by talking to them. I kind of got upset after she emerged and cried a little. It's like two steps forward and one step back. The alters are starting to tumble out like dominoes. But when I called Bob and told him about it he was positive and lifted my spirits. He thinks that with the Labyrinth being opened up I can only get better and heal more. I can't deny them and I can't deny my past. For so many years I was told to shut up, that I was melodramatic, and attention seeker and so and now I don't give a damn about what was said to me. I won't stop talking! I may seem melodramatic and like I want attention but that is not the case. I am all about raising DID awareness. I'm done protecting those who harmed me.I worried for so long what they might think, say or do if I opened up. What the Hell was wrong with me? Why should I care what they feel? The truth hurts and I want them to swallow it whole!

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