Friday, June 7, 2013

How do you sedate 29 people in 1 body?

I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy this morning and before they even began the procedures I made them aware that I am dissociative and what could happen because of the type of procedures I was having done. I explained how I might switch because it was so triggering to me to have this work done. I was pleasantly surprised how understanding and how they asked me so many questions.It could have a lot to do with the fact that I was in an Army hospital and they deal with PTSD all of the time. When they first gave me the initial dose of anesthesia I remember feeling a sense of dread and panic was over me. They had put a block structure in my mouth to so I wouldn't bite on the endoscope tubing. When they kept telling me to swallow the camera I kept gagging and started to cry as littles began to emerge. We don't like people putting hands in out mouth or objects and this felt suffocating and painful.The Doctors and nurses were very supportive and talked us through it and gave us more Versed and Benadryl. All the children inside fought the drugs and the staff couldn't believe we were still alert. The endoscopy was awfully painful and uncomfortable. Very triggering to say the least! Still more meds were given and no sleeping was to be had by my body. They called the head anesthesiologist to ask if they could give me anything more and were told I had reached the maximum level they could give me. Great. They had to start doing the colonoscopy and it was by far the most horrible experience I've gone through as an adult. Childbirth was noting compared to this....honestly. I was having flashbacks as soon as they put the scope in me. The nurse had to push on my stomach (I was on my left side) while the Doctor tried to get better views of the colon. The further up they went the more I became upset. The one nurse kept stroking my hair telling me it would be okay and to try to breathe through it.It sure did not help that the room was small and dark. All I kept seeing were bad people inserting metal objects into me. Ginger ended up coming out to take the pain and she even started talking and joking with the Doctors. They knew it wasn't me out and I heard one of them say she is different now. They found 10 polyps in my colon and half were flat and not raised which are the more risky types. The Doctor said he needed to lasso them and remove them and I heard Ginger tell him "Well, this is Texas so if you're going to lasso anything inside of my body you have to say "Yee-haw" when you do it. OMG! It's funny, though, because the Doctor said it with each removal! It helped the scariness a lot to laugh a little. The whole procedure took 90 minutes. One of the polyps they removed wouldn't stop bleeding so they had to do some repair. They said we should become and Gastro doc because Ginger was spotting polyps and helping them out. After they were done and were wheeling me into recovery, past all the knocked out patients, the nurse in charge of me there was shocked at how wide awake we were. She said by looking at my chart and seeing how much medicine was given to me it was simply amazing to her. I explained my DID to her and she was very interested and asked a lot of questions. My recovery time??? 20 minutes. The nurse said most people spend an hour or more at least in the recovery room.

I want people to know and understand that when a person is abused in SRA and is drugged to distort what is going on around them it only makes sense that when a similar type scenario takes place the body goes into defense mode. My Therapist warned me this might happen and really wanted me to go under General Anesthesia to have this done. In a way I'm glad it worked out like it did because it is one more battle we all fought towards healing. It was often times very interesting to see what they were doing by watching the monitor and realizing, "Wow, this is what my body looks like in there." I have to wait 2 weeks for the biopsy results but in the interim the suggestion is I have this done in 3 years because of having all those polyps and only being 45 years old. I'm nervous about the results, mainly the flat ones, but am going to focus on other issues until the results come in the mail. Then we will see what happens. All I know is that I am so glad this is all over for now. I was up all night, didn't go to sleep until 4:00pm today and woke up 4 hours later with intense thirst, hunger and a sore throat from Hell. My bottom is sore, too, but it's not bad enough to trigger us anymore. I just want to say one last thing. This is why I will never integrate. Yes, it is challenging at times but they help me get through the worst times. I rely on my alters loyalty to me and I love them individually and thank them and recognize them for all that they do to keep me going!

6 comments:

  1. Very well done! Congratulations on getting through your procedure and educating a few more people. You have such an awesome system. :)

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  2. Thank you! We work very hard at maintaining a good system. It isn't always easy lol

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  3. Honey I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I stupidly thought with enough sedation(heavy) that the alters would all be put under. You are a brave woman who (with insights) grows stronger every day. May God bless you and keep you and give you wisdom and peace.

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  4. I have a question. In your blog, I noticed that you said that you heard what was being said when Ginger was out. Is it normal for those with DID to be aware of what is going on when one of their alters are out? I have a friend who suffers from DID, and she doesn't remember anything whenever one of her alters are out.

    And I'm sorry that you had to go through such a terrible thing like that, but I'm glad that you are doing good.

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  5. It took me almost 20 years to get co-conscious with my alters. What your friend is going through is what I used to go through. It was so frustrating! It takes a lot of therapy and hard work but co-consciousness has been wonderful for my system :)

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