A new alter by the name of Autumn emerged on Monday night. She is 7 and has reddish/brown pixie cut hair and is gap toothed. Very fragile, very scared of this "new" world she has arrived in. She has been in the Labyrinth for a long time....hiding from the bad people and the pain she might endure. Autumn is a a programmed suicide alter and wants to kill the body because those were the instructions given to her should anyone find out about her and the occult rituals. Everything seems upside down to her in this world. She only remembers things backwards and not the way they should be seen. For example: a cross on our wall is not right to her. It should be upside down. When told of God's love for her she rejected that and said "God hates me." That is what she was told and believes. The saddest part of all of this is she won't accept Bob unless he will have sex with her. She doesn't comprehend that it is wrong for adults to have sex with children. To her this is a normal act. Bob has tried to tell her that he can love her in lots of healthy ways but she thinks he hates her because he is rejecting her little attempts at childish seductions. In her world sex was an orgy environment where little people and big people were a mixture. Little ones with other little ones, big ones with other big ones and then, of course, little and big people together. She believes she is a child of the Devil and was "baptized" to him by these twisted people. She won't accept that her 1st baptism to God is more powerful than any other type of baptism out there! She is shadowing me because I met her at the Labyrinth opening because I heard her saying "I need to die." For whatever reason she is trusting me and I am glad for it as I am keeping the body safe. Keeping us out of the hospital and maintaining the contract of no more self injury. It's been a long year and a half of no cutting, burning or any other harmful behavior done to the body. I want to protect us at all costs!She is so fearful that if she does not go through with her instruction that she will be severely punished. I will keep holding on to her and slowly introduce her to others her age. Sherry does not know her yet and that has to be a slow process as the memories she will receive will most definitely be traumatic to her.
We asked the Therapist today why are all these new ones emerging after we have been in therapy since 1991 for DID. She explained that alters only come out to Therapists they feel comfortable with and trust. Since our Therapist has dedicated her last 20 odd years of therapy to dissociative disorders it is starting to make sense. Therapists in the past never seemed to clue in on the important things that this T does and she guides us and does not tell us or ask us what we should do. This is going to be an interesting but healthy and rewarding journey even if it takes a lifetime to complete.