Saturday, April 6, 2013
Suicide is not PAINLESS
I am tired of losing my friends with DID to suicide or attempts at suicide. It is so painful. I want to help all my friends but I can't save the world. I, myself, gets suicidal bouts because regardless to what people may think DID is not a fun mental disorder! It's constant pain, hurt, anger, flashbacks, depression and so on. There is nothing fun about having a head full of different people. We have headaches all the time, it's noisy and chaotic at best. Even those of us who are farther along in our healing still deal with issues associated with DID. We can get to the point of hopelessness and darkness that it is hard to find our way out. At times it really does seem like death is a better option than staying alive. We have to convince ourselves that temporary problems don't require permanent solutions. It is not easy to believe that when you are so down and out. One thing I must stress is that when a person with DID (or anyone for that matter) starts talking suicidal you have to take it seriously. Alters can become resentful and angry and threaten our life. We are seeking attention when we say we want to die. We really feel that way and when people blow it off as "there she goes again talking about dying" and do nothing then that is irresponsible on their part. It can be exhausting for the loved ones and friends of people who are dissociative because it can sound like we are broken records when it comes to stating our thoughts about dying. I have to ask that if you can't be the one to help find someone who can. You absolutely need to set boundaries but sometimes boundaries will be crossed in these situations. It's up to you to decide how to handle it but please don't walk away from any person who talks about suicide. My heart breaks every time I lose a friend to self inflicted death. I wish I could take their pain away. I wish I could take my pain away. To those who think DID is a fake disorder you anger me because when we have to justify and plead with people to understand what we are going through and they totally invalidate our feelings it only makes things worse. We already have to fight for proper care for dissociation, we try to raise awareness so people don't think we are psychopaths because Hollywood portrays us as such, and we try to get insurance or disability for our disorder and it's a huge battle. I implore people to treat us humanely and help erase the mental health stigma attached to us. I think so many unnecessary deaths could be avoided if the world understood, cared and treated multiples properly. Friends and family with a DID member need to educate themselves so they know how to deal with our disorder and see the signs leading to suicide. I want it to stop!