For the first time ever a Therapist gets me! Me, being Ginger. She is helping me recognize things about myself that I haven't thought of before. She is helping me to understand that there has to be consequences to all my wrong actions. Like drinking....if I choose to illegally drink as a minor than I am no longer able to pass any hangovers or alcohol sicknesses onto anyone else inside. The good side to it is that even though I am suffering , the others (adult insiders) have agreed not to leave me alone and take care of me. No, that doesn't give me the liberty to act like a fool either. My therapist also is going to help me learn to love myself so I can love other people properly. She know I am jealous of Sherry and Taylor and she want to help me get past that. She has assigned one of the female bigs inside to act as my sister and do fun things with me this week. One of the ideas is for Celeste to take me to a movie and buy me popcorn and a drink.
We talked about my first true love and the boy I lost my virginity (as Ginger) with. I still grieve that relationship a bit. He and I dated for 2 years and he made me feel special and loved. Then he broke my heart. He couldn't handle my roller coaster moods anymore. No one was there to comfort me, to hold me and dry my tears. My Mom was happy we broke up and didn't show any sympathy or love towards me. After he and I broke up I went downhill as a person. I slept with pretty much any guy who would ask. I felt loved for the moment but yet wanted it to end because I felt dirty and then it would be over and I felt sad again. My Therapist is going to help me through this. She is very good at guiding me and the others. All the bigs sat at the round table and made decisions together and I wasn't excluded. I feel so much hope. Did you know you can have fun without drinking? Neither did I but she swears I can. And I can be sexual without being inappropriate. Hmmmm....imagine that.