So, I went to my Psychiatrist today and it went pretty well. She wasn't happy that I stopped the Abilify and Klonopin at all. She put me back on it changed the dosages and wants me to go back into therapy but this time with a therapist that has dedicated her whole career to focus on DID. She gave me the name of the therapist and I will call tomorrow and inquire if she is talking new patients and if they accept my insurance. My Doctor brought up the word Integration and it caused a total panic inside which immediately made me start to panic and cry. I told her I don't want them to integrate and would like to have full co-consiousness with all of them. She was very supportive of that idea and told me to do it then. She is very concerned with the here an now and even though I brought up the Colin Ross Institute (which she is all for) she is focusing on getting me through the holidays safely. I have to go back and see her on January 4th and check in to see how I'm doing with the meds changes and so on. i am feeling optimistic that things can and will get better for us soon. She said by going to intense therapy and changing the way my brain works and proccesses information and past trauma I could eventually get off all my meds and not have a need for them anymore. Wow! What a great thought that is! The only thing that is frustrating me is I have been in therapy since around the age of 12 and finally got a correct diagnosis when I was 23 and I'm really getting tired of talking about my past, my history, my emotions etc. How much does one person have to talk about something before they are "over it?" I hate starting out with a new therapist and beginning at square one with them, getting comfortable enough to talk, my alters trusting the new therapist ad so on. It sucks! I often wish we could have something invented that can erase all trauma from the human psyche. Oh well, looks like that isn't happening any time soon.
In case the world ends tomorrow (which I know it isn't going to) I thank everyone who takes the time to listen to my endless babbling. If we all survive (which we all will) then have a very Merry Christmas!