Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Goodbye cruel world... I wish

Sick of it. Sick of it all. I'm tired of being tired all of the time. The doctors can't find anything wrong with me except my thyroid and anemia to blame. I just want to be in bed all of the time. It consumes me from morning to night. It's all I think of. What is wrong with me? Why can't I get out of bed in the daylight and function? I am so scared at night and all my alters are super aware at night about danger and don't go to sleep until around 5:30-6:00 am and then I sleep until noon or later and wake up feeling so bad. I don't want to live like this anymore. This is no life. What the hell! Who wakes up wanting to go back to bed all day long? I know depression can make you sleep more but this is ridiculous. I am so close to calling it quits on life it's not even funny. If I didn't have God in my life I'd of been gone a long time ago. I'm too much of a chicken to do anything. But my mind has been trying of think of other ways. I am so upset I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm sick of it all.


  1. *hugs* I'm sorry you feel that way. I know this may be the last thing you want to hear but "just take it one step at a time". I know it can be hard on you, and the fact that you can admit to it shows you have strength. I can only imagine the alters being scared at night and not wanting to sleep. Perhaps you can make an arrangement with them- that way you can sleep better?

    1. I've tried to set rules and arrangements and it doesn't seem to work. I'm at a loss.

  2. Blogging, writing, talking, just doing something helps. I'm all too familiar with the call of the pit of depression. More or different meds can help. Talk to your doc. Leave a good legacy for your kids. Remember how many friends you have for support.

  3. Thank you. I see my Pdoc next week so I will talk to her about my meds.

  4. I never met anyone else who has the problems with the being up all night hypervigilant and then going to sleep in the day like us. I figured it was from bad things that happened at night just never heard of anyone else having the problem also. It's horrible. I go to bed between 5-9am and wake up in the afternoon and do a lot of just sitting and spacing out most of the rest of the time. Hate life. Without God I would definitely have been gone yrs ago! As many attempts as we have made and we are still here, hate being here, seems the only purpose is to be abused and hurt. Barely ever get a breather and get slammed with more and this has been a very very long and tiring life. I am 51 1/2 and the abuses began at 2hrs old. We just can't take anymore of this! why can't we have any sort of a normal life???!!! We are always the leper left out no one wants to know us be around us and if they do then they deliberately hurt us!
    LaurieAnn and lots of lost, angry, hurt, and abandoned littles