Friday, October 26, 2012

Why I now love Autumn

I didn't always like Autumn. It brought up too many bad memories for me and my insiders. Autumn is a tough time for most SRA survivors because so many of the occult have their holidays this time of year. I am not going to go into detail about what happened at some of the "celebrations" but I assure you it was scary and traumatizing for us. I used to avoid Halloween and any events to do with harvest time. Now I am okay with things as I have finally started facing my triggers. I did this slowly. It used to be I couldn't go into a Walmart at Halloween time without being triggered so badly by the decorations and masks. Then, I decided to face it all and at Halloween time I put on a non scary mask and handed out candy with my hubby by my side. It wasn't so bad with a few exceptions of scary costumes but being behind the mask made it less scary. Then I started buying holiday scented candles and potpourri to have around the house. I now love the smell of spices and hay and the Autumn air. I refused to let those people from the past hold me hostage in the present anymore. I would not be crippled for several months anymore. No more laying in bed day in and day out to escape the present time. I got up and challenged it. I still have my days where I get huge headaches and mild flashbacks but it's getting fewer and farther between. Now when Autumn arrives I anticipate the days in Texas where it cools down to the 50's and 60's and I can enjoy the weather wearing sweaters and cute boots. I look forward to go trick-or-treating with my Granddaughter this year! I will take care of myself in the process and keep my grounding techniques in the forefront of my mind in case something unexpected happens. Also reading the true meaning of Halloween and All Saints Day helps a lot. The people in the past claimed these holidays and many other innocent holidays as their own and twisted them into their warped celebrations. It is only as bad as you let it be. Those people are gone and you can take control of your life and reclaim your triggers so you can enjoy this time of year and not dread and be fearful. It just takes challenging yourself, often being outside your comfort zone and having a good support system. It also doesn't happen over night. I wish anyone who is an SRA survivor reading this much encouragement and support. It can get easier, I promise.

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