Monday, August 20, 2012

Letters From the Father

In January of 1990 our Father was sentenced to 8 years in Ft. Leavenworth prison. He was charged with Sodomy with a child. He served 3 years out of an 8 year sentence and therapy was optional! He did lose everything he gained in the Air Force, though. He lost his rank, pay and pride.After he was in prison for a little over 7 months, we decided to write him a letter. Here are the letters we received. 

25 October 1990
In response to your last letter, as far as I'm concerned, I have no daughter! Don't lay your guilt trip on me either, you're a liar plain and simple. Tell your great therapist of all the other people you have accused of molesting you: M***, M***, P******, J***, Squirrely, my dad (whom you never met, the guy in Germany and God only knows who else. Also tell her how you remember being abused at 18 months old, that you lost your security clearance because of psychological problems and how you lied on your enlistment papers, just to name a few. Also tell her about your past and how you would always blame your Mother for all your problems and how your Mother had taken you to more than 1 psychiatrist because of your behavior. And how you lied to them just as you're lying to her, also tell her about your sexual past, like trying to seduce Uncle M*** for starters, is he lying too, Sherry?
I don't know where you're getting your information from but you better change your sources because my family, B***'s family and all the other people involved in this are behind me 100% and they all believe you're crazy, except maybe P****** who is even worse than you are if you can catch her sober!
You have done this sort of thing your whole life, Sherry. Just to get the attention you want so don't lay your born again Christian crap on me because it's as phony as you are! Also stop referring to J**** and T*** as your brothers! That's another thing, you came to visit us in England in Jan. of '87 and you claim you had suspicions about sexual abuse on J*** from that visit. If that's true and you have such "great" love for your brothers why is it that it took you 2 years to write a letter to the OSI. I don't suppose it had anything to do with the fact you got caught messing around with the Dorm guard and started to cry rape, did it? Did Bob catch you? Sherry, we know alot more than you think and this is not by any means over! Just like the night the kids spent with you during the trial, we know all about that and what took place, all I have to say is you're lucky your not in jail "yet". Also tell your therapist about how you were going to turn L**** in for child abuse ok? and how Grandma was going to defend him. If I were you I would clean my own house before you try to lay this garbage on someone else! Ask Bob if he would like to read your diary, Sherry?! Grandma found it to be quite interesting!
Sherry, you may be able to con Bob and even your therapist, but not the people that know you. Like I said, I don't know where you're getting your info from but nobody believes you! They all know what a liar you are! Sherry, J*** has recanted 6 times now! The only reason he is saying this stuff now is because of the pressure from Social Services. My lawyers are handling that.
Sherry, I believe you didn't set out to do this, but rather got caught in a lie and it has gotten out of hand and you're enjoying it.
If you think all this is easy for me to say to you, you're wrong. But as far as I'm concerned until you clear up this mess you've made, I don't want you to write to me or anything else and the next time we see each other will be in court.
I love my sons, Sherry and maybe you're jealous of that, I don't know, but they're not your brothers! The things you wrote about B*** and I are all lies, too, and you know it and until you stop denying that I want nothing more to do with you. You did it, Sherry, you live with it. Don't write me again and I certainly will not call!
Sherry, I am angry and I never did anything to harm you! Why are you out to get me? If I lose B*** and the boys over this I will never forgive you! You have made me out to be some kind of animal! I don't understand how you can destroy a person's life then act like you're the one who is hurt!
Sherry, it's not easy for me to just cut you out of my life but you haven't given me any choice at all! I have to protect myself and my family and that is what I intend to do! Maybe turning to God is your way of dealing with what you did to me but I sure don't need you to send me little Bible quotes. We do have them here.
I really have nothing more to say to you and I will not write again. I just hope you're happy with what you did to me. Don't ever say you love me either because that's no more than another lie.
Like I said, you did this you can live with it, maybe someday you'll clear the air between us, but I doubt that's possible after all the heartache and damage you've done! T**

You'll start to notice a change here. It's amazing how he'd turned it all around on us!

13 January 1991
I am returning your photos with the simple request that you stay out of my life and J*** and T****'*, they're not your brothers and never will be! B*** and I would sooner burn in Hell!
Whatever your reasons were that's between you, God and maybe Bob but you have gotten your wish and destroyed my life. No! We'll never be able to talk and No! I'll never see my grandchildren with or without you or Bob there.
Some reassessment of your past and your Mother's past needs to be done before you cast any stones!
It's bad enough you felt hatred for me and felt you had to fulfill your Mother's wishes to destroy me, but to slander B*** the way you did is something maybe God will forgive you for, but I never will!
Don't try to blame J*** for this either, you did it and you can live with it! It wasn't his warped imagination that did this!
Stop trying to shift the blame and play therapist! You're no good at it! Your the one who needs help and I hope you get it!You could start by telling Bob the truth , maybe, about how you seduced M*** on the couch that night. And by the way, F**** is the one that said he caught you and Uncle J***. I was merely repeating what he had told the family. I wasn't accusing J*** because he is dead and cannot defend himself.
Sherry, you destroyed our lives! Do you really think I can ever forgive you for that? If so you need help more than I realized!

Letter #3

This letter was written 3 weeks before he was released on parole. Isn't it interesting how nice he is in the letter. Could it be they read the mail???!!! He knew parole hearings were coming up! Such a manipulative !@$*!!!!!

27 January 1993
Dear Sherry,
I was very surprised to get your letter today. I thought I'd better write and explain a few things. First and foremost I don't "hate" you and I don't recall ever telling you that I did. If I did, I'm sorry. I'm mad at you, very mad but deep down I love you Sherry and I always will, but you must realize just how much hurt and damage that you have caused everyone. I'm not going to even get into your abuse allegations, but you've not only destroyed what little relationship we had but you destroyed B***'s life, T****'* life as well as J***'* life. I'll never forgive you for that but do I hate you? No!
Sherry, I simply don't know what to say to you anymore. I've been hurt so bad by all of this that there's just no way I could ever tell you. Do you think it's easy for me to know that we'll never have a Father/Daughter relationship? Or that I'll never be a real "grandpa" to the children? Hell no, it's not, it's damn hard. This is just so hard for me to comprehend, for you to come after me and B*** with such vindictive hatred, it just blows me away.

Sherry, if you want to write to me, it's ok. I'll answer but if you start with the abuse crap or start quoting from the Bible I will not respond.
As far as other people "respecting" me, I could give a shitless what other people think of me. Let them think what they want, they will any ways and you should stop trying to impress people so much. Be yourself, Sherry, not what you think people want you to be!
I have one last thing before I close, I do apologize for the not calling me Dad business. I wrote that in pure anger, I was hoping I hurt you with that, and I'm sure I did, so I am sorry for that! I am your Father and you are my daughter, there's no taking that away from either of us. If I've failed you as a Father, which apparently I have, I'm sorry!
God help me, Sherry, but I do love you, I'll leave it at that and let's hope for a better future for all of us.

Well, since he's got out of jail we have not had contact except for one time! If my friend Layne wouldn't have been with me I think I would have killed him. She stopped me! I was hoarse for 3 days after I saw him because I screamed and screamed at him. Years of rage poured out and it felt good! He was afraid of me. The look in his eyes told me so. It was a defining moment in my healing. I realized that he no longer has any power over me. He's a weak, pathetic, drunk. He still denies ever abusing me.
I've confronted all of my abusers that I could find except for 2 of them who are dead. Which also brings me to an often asked question. Would I attend my Father's funeral? The answer is no. I'm not holding a grudge, I have forgiven him. I just believe a funeral is where you pay respect. I have no respect for this man and me showing up is a lie. I'm okay with that.


  1. Powerful emotional stuff.
    I wonder if it's just denial or if he has DID and is not aware of abusing you.

  2. I've always thought he was DID once I knew what it was. He used to stare off all the time like he would be sleeping with his eyes open. He could be super funny guy one minute and means as hell the next. If he does have DID he still has to be held accountable for what he did. It's not a scapegoat disorder!