Monday, July 23, 2012

No to the hospital, please

I am not in a good place right now. Everyone inside as well as myself are falling into a deep depression. I have been thinking about all that has been going on lately and I think it explains a lot. So much is happening so fast in my life right now and I feel overwhelmed by it all. I will break it down as to what has been happening:


  • Daughter graduated
  • went on a cruise (fun but tiring)
  • Daughter got engaged on cruise
  • had surgery 3 days after we returned from the cruise
  • found out oldest son is deploying to a classified location in September
  • our dog of 15 years got put down
  • Daughter gets married and will leave in September to go to Ohio
  • other son is engaged and getting married in September
  • New grandchild due in January and son won't be home for the birth
  • my housework is falling way behind 
And there are a lot of other external factors happening. I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep and cry and have no one bother me. But that isn't going to happen. I sleep all day except to feed my animals and then I go right back to bed. I will get up for awhile to eat something and maybe get on facebook or play sims. I don't even seem to enjoy that very much anymore. My poor bird is so unhappy because I haven't been holding him as much as he is used to because I would rather sleep or not be bothered with him. I don't want anyone to need me like that. At least not right now. I am fighting going to the hospital. I've done so well with staying out of there that it's frustrating me that I may go back. I am getting to the point where I am daydreaming about dying and stuff and that isn't good. I am trying to find ways to die without there being pain and that scares me that I am thinking this way. It isn't only affecting me but everyone else in my life inside and out. For goodness sake, I am on a anti-depressants so how could I be feeling like this?! Plus I am on a mood stabilizer and anxiety meds and it feels like I take nothing. I am a nervous wreck at night time and I sleep my days away. What kind of life is this? I don't choose to live this way and I hate when people tell me to "get over it" or "think happy thoughts." If it were that easy don't you think I would be doing that? sigh.

3 comments:

  1. Mom :( I wish there was someway I could help..

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  2. Just love me and support me. I really am trying to function :(

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  3. Anti-depressants seem to work very well for a long time, but our bodies change. I was given some significant med changes earlier this summer and things have leveled out. Wouldn't it be nice if our thoughts could put p-docs out of work?
    Thanks for writing about your stress. It helps you and keeps us informed.
    hugs

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