My daughter got her marriage license today. I am happy for her as can be but there is a part of me that is soooooo very sad that she is leaving home and starting a new life. She is my last child at home and she gives me some purpose for feeling like a Mom still. My boys are very important to me, too, but they have moved on years ago and don't "need" me as often as she does. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when she is no longer living here. She is my best buddy and it is going to be lonely without her. I'm glad there are such things as Skype and cell phones. I never had that luxury with my mom after I was on my own. So, that technology I am very thankful for! I worry about her and how she will deal with the mother-in-law who despises her for whatever stupid reason. I know she is strong and will stand up for herself but it can put a strain on any relationship when a relative interferes with negativity and hate. I have to stay distanced from that situation for fear I may be the one who gets involved and causes even more problems with the MIL.
My daughter's wedding is next weekend and there is so much to be done between now and then. I have to keep my focus on her. Make her day special and memorable in a positive way. Once the marriage certificate is signed, my baby girl is a woman even more than when she turned 18. So much responsibility and life lessons to be learned. I have to stand back and let her and her husband make mistakes and not try to run their lives. Gentle encouragement and advice that is asked for will be given to them both. I am so proud of her and him. They are both very mature for this stage of life. They are the exception, for sure! The fact that they both are Christian and will be basing their marriage on Biblical aspects is a great joy and relief for me and my husband.
Now, I just need to figure out what to do with the next phase in my life. The dreaded empty nest syndrome I had always heard about is fast approaching. I must make efforts to get out of the house and be around people, give of myself to others to replace what I am used to giving to my children while living at home, and face the fact that there is a whole new chapter I can either choose to fill up with positiveness or I can choose to remain in the negative and get nowhere. My husband and I need to resume our relationship in a new way as we start heading in the direction of retirement years. Where has time gone? I do have regrets for the time lost by me wallowing in my depressions and sleeping so many days away. The thought that I could have done something that could have made a difference every day in the life of people I love and I chose to not do anything hurts. I will get through this. I will not be alone because if I am feeling this way then I can only imagine what is going on in my husband's mind. His baby girl is special to him and I know this is tearing at his heart even if he doesn't say anything. Together, he and I, will fill the empty nest with extra love, time, communication and activities. Day by Day.