Saturday, July 7, 2012

Call me crazy but DID is a real disorder

I just read a persons blog entitled "Multiple Personality Disorder does not exist." It's upsetting to me that this person would just state that so matter of fact. I read that she was given false memories by her therapist and also given a satanic calendar to show her what she could expect on certain dates of the year. She strongly claims that she is not a multiple and was given a bogus diagnosis. She also mentioned the book that came out about the Sybil case being a fabrication. I read that book and it angered me. I couldn't understand what the authors true motives were to go through such extreme research to say MPD/DID is false. I feel bad for the blogger who had a therapist tell her things that were not true but I asked her to not assume that all cases are like hers. I had moments of losing time my whole life, had thoughts of suicide, self injured, bouts of anxiety, and was often told I was "different" at times. I was dragged to numerous doctors by my Mother who knew something was wrong with me but didn't know what. When a doctor would suggest something she didn't agree with or like it was off to a new doctor. I knew I had "people" in my head but never told a single person until my hospitalization in 1991 when the staff were very observant of me and my behaviors day by day. I was inpatient for a month so they had a lot of time to get to know me/us. The day my hospital doctor dumped Legos on the floor and told me to get creative was the day they knew I was a multiple. My 4 year old little (Little Sherry) emerged and built Grandma's house out of Legos. There were 2 doctors present and they spoke to her at great length and slowly others emerged to talk as well. When the Doctors told me I had multiple personality disorder I was pissed and was yelling at them, telling them they were trying to make me look crazy. They assured me that wasn't what they were doing at all. They asked if I would be willing to allow them to videotape a session and I was okay with it because I knew that they were wrong. The day after the Lego's incident I had my taped session. I remembered feeling disconnected and then it all went blank. They viewed the tape and then allowed me to see it. I sat there with tears streaming down my face as I watched myself transform into different people. I couldn't deny it anymore. Yes, I was a multiple and it was very real.

Later on down my therapy journey I began to have terrible anxiety and was obsessed with the devil and the thought that I might become possessed. I felt crazier during that time then I did when given my diagnosis. What was wrong with me and why this weird, scary obsession with Satan and possession? Not only was I thinking about it, I was doodling pictures of babies and cats being mutilated and much worse. I told my therapist who I had known for a very long time and trusted her. She asked if I wanted to try hypnosis. I agreed and we had the first session. I didn't get those memories from that session until 2 years ago. I was hypnotized in 1994. My alters were all little children that came out during hypnosis and told of their experiences with the ritual abuse. I know that my therapist did not put memories into my head. I know that it has happened to some people but I'm telling you my memories are real and some have been verified by family members. Every single person I told after my diagnosis had the same reaction. The most common phrase in response to the news was "That makes so much sense now." Not one person from our life, related or not, disbelieved me because they all saw it for a long time and just didn't have a name for what was wrong with me.

I refuse to argue with anyone about the existence of Dissociative Identity Disorder being true or false. I know what happened to me/us and that is ultimately all that matters. I have worked very hard on my healing process and am almost to the point of no longer requiring therapy. I do want to say that believe it or not there are really, really bad and evil people in this world that prey on children. Society wants to turn a blind eye to it but it is real. I recently lost 2 friends to suicide who were programmed to kill themselves at a certain time in their life. It sounds unbelievable, even to me at times, that people actually had so much ugliness and sickness in them that they chose vulnerable children to control and victimize them. It doesn't stop after the acts are performed on children. They don't forget. They do what they can to survive at all costs. It follows them into adulthood and unless there is proper help for them they will never get better. So, people who say DID is false, especially in the mental health arena, are doing a great disservice to people who desperately need help and care to overcome trauma.

2 comments:

  1. I totally agree with EVERYTHING you wrote here. When I was diagnosed with MPD I cried and cried saying "NO, NO NO". I have been diagnosed by many other doctors over the years and they all come up with the same thing. The first doctor to diagnose me had a series of tests done while I was in-patient. She herself did not believe in MPD and told me she doubted...then the test results came back and she is the one to give me the answer..she hated to tell me I was MPD when she really didn't like to even say the words, but she had to..cause that was it. I also have been through many years of therapy. I recently stopped going )about 5 months now) I seem to be doing OK without it. I still have my anxiety and bouts of depression...but I have had that my entire life. As you said, "I have always been DIFFERENT". I didn't understand at all..I have always had a radio playing in my head. I still ask my hubby from time to time if he has left a radio or TV on, but it is just the background noise in my head of the many voices in conversations. UGH! I wish you the best Sherry.
    HUGGERS,
    Bren

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  2. We really do struggle with people like that. They're so triggering, but I agree with you - no point arguing. Ultimately, we all know our own truths and that's all we can talk about :)

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