Saturday, May 12, 2012

Motherless Day

Mother's Day is difficult for me ever since I lost my Mom 4 years ago. She was only 59 years old, too young to die! I grieved very hard for her for almost a year until my grief counselor pointed out she could detect I had anger at my Mom. After she died I put her up on this perfect pedestal and seemed to forget that she wasn't perfect. When my counselor told me that the floodgates broke and I let loose so much anger that it scared me. I finally realized how afraid of my Mom I was. I could never get angry with her when she was alive or say things I needed to say to her. Now it was safe for me to do it and did I ever do it! Getting angry at her was the emotion I needed to move forward in my grief process. I felt lighter afterwards and it got easier. I loved my Mom don't get me wrong. It was just she was a perfectionist and I could never meet her standards. She loved me the best way she knew how and I can accept that. I even am over the fact that she didn't protect me as a child from my Father and others. I have to move ahead in life now. When Mother's Day rolls around I think of her and I am sad. I'm jealous of other people who still have their Mom's. Like my husband whose Mom is 83 years old and active and alert. I also dwell on all the mistakes I have made with my own children and wish I could go back and change things. I don't want to die and have them angry at me like I was with my Mom. It's really hard.


  1. You can have mine! Feel free to do with her as you please.

  2. LOL no thanks, you have scared me with her stories!!!