Saturday, May 19, 2012

Just an update...sort of

It's my husbands 48th birthday today and I feel happy and sad. I don't like that he is getting older because I'm afraid of the inevitable day of his death. I have to die before he does because I know he is so much stronger than I am and could get through his grief and move on. I, on the other hand, would most likely die of a broken heart. He is my rock and my everything and he takes such good care of all of us. My littles are terrified of losing Daddy Bob as much as I am. Some would probably say I am way too dependent on him and that may be so but our love is genuine and very deep. He likes to take care of us and reminds me of my Poppy how he used to take such good care of Grandma. They say daughter tend to marry their "fathers" so to speak. I definitely didn't marry him! But Poppy, yes and it makes sense because he was in my life more than my own father. I will be happy the rest of this day and celebrate with my hubby because it is his day.

Earlier notes: Last week I self injured for the 1st time in 2 years :( Actually, Ivy did it with the encouragement of Ginger. Ivy had tried to contact my father and he blew her off and she was upset so Ginger told her that cutting helps her relieve stress. So, Ivy who has never cut, did so so all over my leg. She finally stopped and called Bob to come help her stop. She was so ashamed and guess what?! Ginger has been nowhere to be found since that incident. She can't take responsibility for anything!

Also, we are so worried for our middle child. He has been feeling suicidal a lot lately and is going to go back and see a doctor. He is even thinking of going in-patient because of how bad it is. That says a lot for him because he hates going in the hospital and if he is wanting to go it has to be bad. I feel very sad for him. All I can do is be supportive and let him talk to me.

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