Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Need to figure things out

I feel like a worthless blob of nothingness. I sleep all day and don't do anything around the house like I should and I have no energy. What is my purpose in life? I doubt it is this. One positive thing is I went to RCA today and they are starting a Survivors group and and want me to to help start it up. I can do that! I just want to feel like I am doing something important in like besides sleeping. I've talked to my Pdoc and she doesn't have any answers and my regular doctor is no help either. I don't know what to do. Every day I question my worth and have disappointment about the way I am living my life. There is so much noise inside and uneasiness and I feel so guilty because I should be striving to make a happy life for everyone and I'm not. I give into the sleep. And when I do I have nightmares that are horrific in nature it's a no win situation. I want to escape life yet I want to embrace it. What is stopping me?

4 comments:

  1. I always feel awkward and don't want to comment here. I feel that I have nothing to offer as I don't share your same experiences. However, I want you to know that most women struggle in their forties and we are tired without the issues you struggle with. Vitamin D has helped me.You must have the same day everyday. Don't overdue on a good day and don't go to bed on a bad one. Try to moderate your activity. People with any chronic problem have a tendency to go crazy with activity when feeling good and then have a relapse/colapse after incurring days of exhaustion. I include myself in this. I try to remembeer this but end up really sick and in bed several days per month. You are not bad just trying too hard. Schedule one hour a day of house work. Over a weeks time everything will get done. You are lovely, sweet, funny, and full of hope and encouragement for others. Give yourself the same treatment that you offer to everyone else.

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  2. Thank you. What you have said has got me thinking a lot.

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  3. Sounds like you're going through another transition with all the noise and dreams. That survivor group sounds very interesting.
    You should know a good Pdoc has no answers - they just have questions for you.
    I could tell you what your purpose is, but you'd just tell me I'm wrong! So I'll give you something to think about.
    No matter what happens in your life, you're a mom. You remember how you felt at the birth of every one of your children. You had an overwhelming sense of purpose, then. It didn't take any thinking and it was all consuming.
    You now get to be overwhelmed with everything there is to do in a day on top of that. It's tough to accept that we can't do everything that we want to in a day. That becomes depressing over time.
    I think we, (I AM talking about you and I), would do well to pick just 2 or 3 things to do in a day. Most days that's plenty to do.
    safe hugs

    Chris

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  4. Thanks Chris. You always set me straight.

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