Friday, January 20, 2012

Hollow

How can I still feel such sadness when I am on 3 antidepressants? Most days are okay but days like today have me questioning. I have so much to be thankful for in my life and I don't like how depression overrules that a lot of the time. I feel myself getting angry at my abusers again because I often wonder if they are enjoying their lives without remorse or guilt? I feel like they did the crime but I am stuck with the life sentence. I do not look for pity or even reassurance from anyone I just need to say what I am feeling. I found out that my biological sperm donor is living in Florida and loves his job and is in a happy relationship. I am somewhat neutral on those facts but part of me is pissed off. I have forgiven all of my abusers but from time to time ill feelings rear their ugly head causing me to question whether or not the forgiveness is genuine. I will keep fighting for contentment and happiness in my life because I refuse to let them win! I will find it someday and I know it's there waiting for me to grab it. I just am not there quite yet.

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