We lived with an old man for a year and a half on a farm in Minnesota. I remember the day I walked downstairs and the old man said "honey, look" and showed me his privates. I felt trapped and dreaded being alone with him. I would come home from school and before I barely set my stuff down he was sexually abusing me. It hurt so much because he would lay on top of me and put his privates onto mine. I remember him wiping me off with a blue handkerchief and I was so sore and my tailbone hurt from being pressed into the hardwood floor.
I feel so guilty for admitting this but there was one time the old man was abusing one of my friends who was 2 years older than me and I felt jealous. Why was I jealous? I should have felt sad for my friend or afraid for her. But all I could think was he doesn't like me anymore. She probably hates me now.
I have so much anxiety inside right now. I can't sleep because I feel afraid. When will these memories go away? I feel like I am always being punished for the things of the past. I don't want to hurt anymore. I want to go forward and be happy and stop clenching my fists all of the time. I want to believe that people love me and care about me. Maybe someday I will...........
Middle Sherry with the help of Celeste