Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Why? Why? Why

All the middles inside are being mean to me. They laugh and make fun of me and even after Celeste and Thomas have told them to stop it they still don't. I didn't ask to be here. Haven't I been punished enough? I thought they were my friends but I should know better than to trust anyone who says they like me. What if Daddy Bob isn't who he says he is and hurts me? I am so worried that something could go wrong. My therapist told me that saying No would make me feel more powerful but she is wrong. Ever since I started saying No to Taffy she has been acting like a bully to me and she acts like she hates me. Then all the other girl middles are mean to me now. Even Shelley who is always so nice and stuff. The boys are still nice to me but they think most girls are stupid and think it's really dumb that all this is going on. I feel so lonely yet I try to make friends. I used to be in hiding so it was different. Now I am out and want to be around people. How can I learn to trust and not let bad people bother me so much? I know Taffy can be nice but she is acting bad to me. What did I do that was so wrong? Just because I say No and don't want to do things we aren't supposed to shouldn't make her so hateful to me.

I remember once getting beat up by a girl named Geri who did it because I told her I wouldn't pull down my pants in front of the boys. I did'nt deserve to get beat up because of that. I'm always trying to do the right thing but it never seems good enough to anyone else. I am beginning to think that in order for people to accept me in this world I need to be a bad girl. I'm so confused.

In the meantime, I don't know what I am supposed to do with all the middles. I want to get along and have fun and play. Right now I sit in my room and cry all the time. I'm tired of it all and wish I could just run away but that isn't going to happen. I never asked to share this body and be surrounded by all these inside people. I want it all to stop.

Typed by Celeste for Hannah

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